S2Episode53 Pause Before Hitting Send

June 18, 2024

Good morning from New York City. What’s on my mind this morning is ‘The Gift of Fear’. I don’t know if you’ve read that book. I bought it and I never read it. It came up in a memoir I’m reading right now called ‘The Friday Afternoon Club’. It’s by Griffin Dunne.

Griffin is the son of Dominique Dunne who was a famous author very well known for his column in Vanity Fair and following a lot of crime stories including O. J. Simpson. I’m loving the book. It’s like a short movie of what can happen in families. Rivalries, jealousies, mental illness, secrets, tragedies, the pursuit of success and fame and fortune. It’s a very poignant, wonderful book.

One of the things that came up in the memoir which really has me thinking is that book that he cited ‘The Gift of Fear’  because –  I’m not spoiling anything –  one of the reasons Dominique Dunne became so famous for his work in crime is because his only daughter was strangled by her boyfriend. And her brother, Griffin, is talking about the book ‘The Gift of Fear’ because he’s talking about some of the remorse he had for having ignored the signals –  that gift of fear –  that something isn’t quite right feeling that he dismissed.

I’ve talked about this so many times on the podcast. That knowingness you have in your body, and listening to your body and paying attention when your heart skips a beat or your stomach clenches. And at least taking a moment to get curious about what it is that’s causing you to get nervous, to go too fast, that kind of thing.

Anyway, moving on, what I want to talk about is how our energy can come through even on an email.  Now we gauge our words, we go back and read what we wrote before we hit the send button, yet when we have a really charged feeling about something it generally, on some level, comes through on the other side now.  It might not be picked up, but there is the risk that it can come through.

Let me give you an example. I woke up this morning to an email. Now this is interesting. It said, Dear Constance,Please get back to me as soon as possible because I just realized the email I sent has popped back. Pretty innocuous, right? Yet, I thought, oh, I need to get to that, and my body tensed up.  I noticed it, and I stopped myself because it’s the second or third time from the same person that I have that feeling. Now, one could think it is an important matter and I don’t want it to slip between the cracks. That could be also why it triggered me. But I noticed that it’s that same person that somehow makes me get that clenching or feeling of urgency that comes up.

Another reason that I’m sharing this story is because I was driving with my friend Laurie in the car yesterday and I was telling her about something I’m working on. I was also sharing the fact that I’m working to do things differently right now. I’m more self-aware. I think before I hit the send button (not always – I’m not perfect)  and I was telling her this story about something and she said, oh, that’s good because you know she can feel your energy through the email. I said, Oh. Thank you. I’m so glad you said that because I know that

When I woke up to that email this morning from the woman in England, I thought to myself  Laurie’s right. What comes through goes well beyond what we tap into the email. I’ll bet there’s a time that you too can think of emails you’ve received where you could read between the lines and feel the energy coming through the screen. Interestingly, when I got that email this morning and I immediately connected the dots it wasn’t the first time that this person, who’s sending me the email is evoking that kind of reaction in me,  I made a conscious choice not to respond right away. Now this, of course, was not about her. It was really recognizing that the energy I was feeling was hers and not mine.  And it just so happens I woke up very committed to recording Dear Constance this morning because I have not been consistent and it’s important to me. I had decided before I went to bed last night  to record before I started work this morning. I’m a morning person. I get out of bed raring and ready to go, especially when I’m doing something I’m enjoying as I am right now.

It’s funny as I’m saying this, reading this book that I’m so enjoying is also about reclaiming what’s important to me. I have gone way down the social media rabbit hole as a way of relaxing and entertaining myself.  I haven’t been reading, and reading is something I do greatly enjoy. It’s interesting how when you start reading a book. Suddenly I’ve just read a book that’s over 300 pages and I thought I didn’t have time to read. So, it’s about making time for what’s important and recording Dear Constance really felt important to me this morning. That’s why when I connected the dots, I didn’t respond to the email straight away.

That seems the perfect place to wind up the episode. These notes to self that I’ll be noodling today, and hopefully well beyond, are about reclaiming my time and energy and making time for what’s important. You know summer is the perfect time to downshift, to take a nap, to read the book, to say yes to a spontaneous invitation to ice cream, to take off your pack, as my friend Eric says. And that’s the perfect segue into the second note to self which is about noticing our energy.  I know I’ll be checking my energy before I walk out the door, before I walk through a door, and of course, before I hit send on the email.

That’s all for now. Until next time, from my heart to yours.

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dear Listeners,

Friends say I live my life out loud. That’s because I’m a curious, adventurous person and, as an appreciator, I simply love to share what lights me up. Consider this is your invitation into my fun, multi-faceted world.

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