Good morning from Vashon Island. I am in the state of Washington. . It’s a moody, foggy fall day. The trees are changing and it is glorious here. I’m visiting with a childhood friend. I’m so glad I made it here because en route, I was traveling through Oregon and doing a lot of driving, she sent me a message and gave me permission to change my mind which always feels good, right? But I thought to myself, no, I really want to make the effort to have this time with my childhood friend. We’ve seen each other maybe three times over the last 30 years. Within hours of being together, she started sharing memories that I’ve long forgotten. We have so much to talk about and there’s this familiarity and comfort level, which is really cool.
What’s on my mind is something that I’ve been thinking about over the last few days It’s the dance that I’m entertaining between this longing to be alone and the desire for connection and to engage with other people. A couple of days ago, I woke up in this spot that I had dreamed about for so long. I was in a little motel perched right on the beach in a place called Banton, Oregon. It was truly everything that I had been imagining. I had a commitment to spend the night at a friend’s house that night and really all I wanted to do was to stay put.
I ended up getting, a late checkout and taking my time, and then I met up with someone who I hadn’t seen in I don’t know maybe three or four years (the best friend of my ex). I have to say I was rewarded because I got to meet his wife and we had such quality connected interesting conversation. It was really good, I think for all of us. I guess I’m thinking about this a lot because I’m plotting out what might be next on my journey, and I’ve been reminded of this desire to strike a balance between longing to be alone and the desire for connection.
Oone of the things that happened post COVID is many of us err on the side of staying home. Yet, there’s a lot to be said for being physically connected. Breaking bread, being in the same room, hugging, conversing. I guess all this to say that I’ve been reminded over and over again that I want to err on the side of showing up.
It’s funny as I’m saying this, I was thinking about a conversation I had this morning with my dear friend who was saying just the opposite. He’s in a period of retreat and said I’ve stopped making plans just to have something on my calendar. I was reflecting back to him that for almost all of 2023 he’s been on the run, and he’s probably doing the right thing to dial it back and to spend more time alone. And in the words of David Whyte ‘leave himself alone’ – give himself permission to rest,
Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that I know everyone is at a different place on this spectrum of being too busy and wanting to retreat, and that changes quite frequently. I think it’s good both to give yourself permission to retreat and also, as I’ve just shared, sometimes it feels really good to make the effort to show up.
I’ll leave you with that for now until next time from my heart to yours.
