Episode 31 When Life Tests Us 

March 13, 2023

I come to you this Monday morning, March 13th from my recording studio in New York City, aka my favorite living room chair. I did not make it to Mexico because life threw a curve ball.  I fell down on the pickleball court and fractured my wrist.  I’m in a cast and sling, and I certainly can’t travel alone or drive.

Now, the initial shock has passed, and I’ve had some days to figure out what it is I can’t do like open jars and bottles, type, make necklaces. It’s difficult to put toothpaste on my toothbrush and to wash myself. I can’t get a coat on. You get it. I’m certainly making do and getting people in to help me, and the pain and shock have subsided.

I spent the weekend thinking about what this means, what this is all about. I’ve been thinking a lot about my father and what he would say. My father was my most important advisor, alter ego, wisdom partner, cheerleader, call it what you will.  My father was an incredible man by any measure. Before I tell you what he would say, I’ll say two things. One is that he had all these sayings. As kids we didn’t quite know what they meant, but he said it so often you got it.  One was ‘wait till the elephant moves its foot.’ That was about being patient and trusting that you’ll have the knowingness when the timing is right. In fact, after my father passed away, the elephant became the symbol on my business, Scout Talent. Funny story.  What my father didn’t know, I’m sure, is that elephants can sense danger from further than any other mammal, and in fact, they do lift their feet because they’re feeling the earth. They feel the Earth’s movements through their feet. Wait till the elephant moves its foot. I discovered that fact after he passed away. But I digress.

The other things he used to say were mostly references to my Higher Self. What they called my Christ self. My parents were very devout and there was a lot of spiritual language in my family. A lot of stuff that I didn’t understand, but like I said the implications were clear and you intuited the meaning.

In this case, he would say you are being tested. Being tested by who you ask? We didn’t know, but the implication was, you know, spirit or God or the universe, whatever you want to call it. When he would say you’re being tested, it was basically an invitation to step up or to surrender or to do the right thing or to be the bigger person. You get it.

As it relates to what’s happening right now, I think the important thing for me is when he said you’re being tested, it was basically two things. One was it made you wonder or be curious about what was happening, and that’s always a good thing, but it was also an invitation or a reminder rather that you have a choice in how you respond. My father had absolutely zero tolerance for whiners and complainers, and I guess that’s where I got my own dislike for help rejecting complainers. He was really into urging us to choose our response. I remember growing up we had a family-run business, and I worked from age eight on.  Saturday was a big day and he was counting on the kids to work. When he came to wake me up, I would moan, “oh dad”, and he’d say “You don’t want to come to work?  You can choose to stay in bed.” The message was you have a choice.  You can choose to be lazy and stay home or you can choose to come to work, which of course made me bolt out of bed.  So, the word choice is important to me. I even have an episode called ‘Choose, Choose, Again.’ We can always decide how we choose to respond, and we can choose again when we perhaps want to change the course of our energy.

What I’ve been choosing to do is to focus on the positive about being grounded. It’s not been easy. It was a big disappointment to have to cancel my trip, but it’s no fun to sit here feeling sorry for myself. So, here’s what I’m grateful for.  First and foremost, I’m grateful for my buddy Will. Will has joined my efforts to get Dear’ Constance out into the world. He’s a tech strategist and he’s also a formidable creative talent from the fashion business, like me, He’s the perfect thought partner. He’s giving me those loving nudges to stretch my thinking and to be experimental.

He’s fun, he’s playful and here’s the catch. Will shares my father’s birthday. I would say this whole project, Dear Constance, is really an ode to my father. So that’s what I’m most grateful for. I do have someone to work with on this project and it’s something that’s fun right now. I also get to see friends who are coming in town who I didn’t expect to see. Karen from Canada and Mitzi from Boston. I have an invitation to go to Palm Desert, so if I get really stir crazy, I can get out a dodge. I’ve also come up with a new writing project. I’m in this writing lab and I do all of my writing on the computer, so not being able to type is really a problem for me.  The project I’ve designed that is related to my birthday in May is something that I can do by hand.

So, there you have it. I’m choosing not to be the victim and sort of surrendering to what is. I’m very grateful also to my friends, including my pickleball friends who have never even been in my home, and who are texting me and offering to help, and I have been able to allow that. As someone who prides herself on her resourcefulness and independence, that’s not been easy.

I’d like to close today with two things. One is to ask you to please support Dear Constance We are growing this organically. Please go follow on YouTube. Dear Constance, it’s new.  We’re on Pinterest. Dear Constance 212. Twitter, TikTok, and of course Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn where we’ve always been. So please support us by sharing, liking, and following where you can or where you feel so inclined. It is very helpful. It boosts the algorithm. Thank you for that.

Lastly, I want to read something that perfectly encapsulates the spirit of Dear Constance. I’m paraphrasing Rick Rubin’s book “The Creative Act’.’  It’s very short and I’ve adapted it. ‘Nothing in this podcast is known to be true. It’s a reflection on what I’ve noticed.  Some ideas may resonate, others may not.  A few may awaken an inner knowing you forgot you had.  Use what’s helpful. Let go of the rest. Each of these moments is an invitation to further inquiry, looking deeper, zooming out, or in. Opening possibilities for a new way of being.’

I think that’s beautiful. That’s all for now. Until next time, from my heart to yours.

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dear Listeners,

Friends say I live my life out loud. That’s because I’m a curious, adventurous person and, as an appreciator, I simply love to share what lights me up. Consider this is your invitation into my fun, multi-faceted world.

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“Speaking with Constance helped me to see myself  – and my experience –with fresh perspective.  I got great clarity and completely shifted gears. She totally got it. The experience fully re-energized me.”

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