Episode 35 Allowing People to Help

March 22, 2023

Hello, hello from New York City. I say that because I’m very curious about where people are listening from.

Today I want to talk about a conversation I was having with a friend of mine, Jackie. She’s working on building out a vision that she has. It’s something that’s been a dream of hers for many years and it feels big and important.  So in this context, we were having a WhatsApp exchange recently, and she was saying it’s really incredible how many people want to help me and to be honest with you, it’s making me a little nervous.  In my follow up message to her I said, that’s a beautiful thing. And don’t forget that people want to help. You are offering them the opportunity to make a contribution, to step up and to be a part of something. It’s very inclusive and very beautiful when you allow people to help you.

Allowing people to help can be very challenging. It’s especially difficult for those of us who were raised with this high value of self-reliance and independence.  I think my first reframe of that came when I was an executive recruiter. When I was researching to fill jobs,  I was overly focused on feeling like I was asking people for help. I felt kind of ashamed that I was always asking for help. I totally reframed it as I was giving people the opportunity to perhaps help a friend, or to look good by making a referral to me. After I reframed it for myself, I started noticing that people really do like to help. Of course, there are recruiters that are annoying and always calling but for the most part, when you’re a professional and you’re respectful and not inappropriate, people like to help. They love to give their opinion, their ideas, and to refer friends, to bring up the name of someone maybe who was on their team who they helped train.

But that’s not what this is about. This is about allowing people to help you, and I think I’m talking about it and thinking about it because I’m in a very vulnerable situation. I’ll tell you by way of background, I broke my wrist and I live alone. I’m getting along just fine, but I can really use some extra help and I noticed people really stepping up and wanting to help me out. Instead of saying don’t worry, I started saying, yes, thank you. I would love that.

My friend Barbara texted me and said, I’d really like to help you. What can I do? I said, can you come with me to the grocery store? We had a lovely afternoon and she came home and she chopped up my vegetables and helped set me up for those early days of dealing with the pain and figuring out how to operate. Another friend, Betty, brought me some things for the grocery store. Then yesterday my friend Minal asked me if I liked coconut curry. I thought she was asking, because we’re all going to an Indian restaurant next week – my Pickleball group – and she’s the organizer. Then I realized that she wanted to bring something to me. My first instinct was to say, no, don’t worry, I’m fine. But I remembered the very thing I had said to Jackie just the night before. People like the help. You’re giving them an opportunity to help you out and I need help. And I said yes.


Minal came over with the coconut curry and I got to hear where the wonderful stories about where the spices came from. I learned that coconut curried shrimp is her signature dish. I learned that she brings back a year’s supply prepared for her by the women who worked for her mother for many years. It was beautiful, and quite frankly it was nice to just have something prepared. It was the best curry I’d ever eaten in my life, believe it or not.

Now these women are people I play Pickleball with and we’re buddies, but they had never been in my home and we had never really had that kind of connection. It was very special to have them in my home and to let them help me. So I want to end with this. Last night I got a message from one of the other people in my Pickleball group and she said, how can I help you? Tell me what I can do to help? I said, I’d love to see you. I’d love some company. And she said, okay, Tuesday or Thursday? This is someone I’ve been trying to get together with for some time.  So that left me this morning thinking about, oh, what else can I do? Who else can I see? How else can I use this opportunity when I’m a little bit more vulnerable than usual to allow people in, to invite people over to say, yes, you can help me. Yes, I need company.

Don’t forget, people love to help. Just like people love to give their opinion and love to give advice, they also really like to help and support you. So don’t be afraid to reach out and say, I could really use an extra hand. I could really use some support. Don’t deny people the opportunity to be there for you. I don’t know who needs to hear that, but I do know there are times in our life when we can all use a helping hand or just some loving support, and that can be in the form of a visit.

I’ll leave you with that. That’s all for now. Until next time, from my heart to yours.

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dear Listeners,

Friends say I live my life out loud. That’s because I’m a curious, adventurous person and, as an appreciator, I simply love to share what lights me up. Consider this is your invitation into my fun, multi-faceted world.

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