Good morning from New York City. On the day this is released, Monday, April 3rd, I will be in surgery for my wrist and a long complex recovery.

I may sound upbeat right now, but believe me when I got that news it was shocking. It was a very big blow. It throws a wrench on a lot of my plans, including writing and travel, for a much longer period of time than I anticipated. Anyway, I simply had to allow myself to crawl in bed. And yes, I felt sorry for myself. I had good reason to be bummed out and shocked and upset.

Then as things go, I was scrolling social media and I saw this question that stopped me in my tracks. Here it is. What does it feel like to hear yourself saying that right now? Let me say that again. What does it feel like to hear yourself saying that right now? Given I am a person that really dislikes complaining and whining, it was cause for pause. But that’s not what this story is about.

What popped into my mind is something I used to say to people when I was an executive recruiter. I dealt with lots of people who had been downsized, fired, or had to leave their job for a spouse or an aging parent. They came to me really feeling defeated, frustrated feeling that loss of agency. Feeling even sorry for themselves. It was something I could empathize with, and I would try to help them reframe things. You’ve heard me talk a lot about deliberate language and messaging and here’s something I always used to say to.  Don’t be informal with your informal network. Let me say that again. Don’t be informal with your informal network.

What happens when we have a blow is that we tend to complain to those we feel most comfortable with. But in the case of a job search, those same people are the ones that speak your name in a room full of opportunity, right? Those are the people you don’t want to complain to about your boss. You don’t want to diss the company. You don’t want to cry in your spilled milk and be Debbie Downer. You need to catch yourself because those are the very people that are going to want to support your job search.

So yesterday I caught myself with that question. What does it feel like to hear yourself saying that right now? And it felt like Debbie Downer. So yes, in my case I need to learn to allow myself to feel bad, something that was unacceptable in my family. Growing up, my father had very low tolerance for complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves and being anything less than positive. So, I had to learn how to allow myself to have a bad day and for that to be all right.

What does it feel like to hear yourself saying that right now put things into perspective for me. So, I’d say that’s simply an invitation to try to catch yourself, or rather to be selective about what you say and who you say it to, especially when its job related.

That’s all for. Until next time from my heart to yours.