Episode 43 Saying Yes When It’s a No

April 10, 2023

Hello, and good morning from New York City. I’m feeling extra optimistic today because I’m on the other side of my operation and pain management, and into the healing journey. That feels good.  Thank you to everybody who reached out. I have appreciated the love and support.

Just this morning, I was having an exchange with my friend who was telling me he did something as a favor for a client. He agreed to speak with client’s friend, who has since started pestering the client. He’s feeling a little bit upset about it and doesn’t quite know how to manage it.Anyway, to make a long story short, and knowing very little about it, I left my friend a long WhatsApp message. He wrote back this was absolutely perfect. You really must make this an episode. So I’m simply going to upload the message that I sent him on WhatsApp and let you listen to what I said. This is real life stuff.  This is how I communicate with my friends. I wasn’t thinking of something I wanted to share with you. In fact, I’m repeating a lot of things that I’ve said in the past.

By way of context, my friend is a small business owner managing a lot of different client accounts. So while some of the things I say may not be clearly relevant, what is relevant here is the thing that I talk about a lot. The filters and getting really clear on what’s important to you. When you’ve taken the time to do so, it makes choices, decisions, yeses and nos much easier. So here’s my message. I hope it might be helpful in some way.

I have a couple things to say to you. One is I want to remind you about filters. When you’re very clear on the kind of client you want – and the kind of work you want to be doing –  and you’re only focused on yourself, first and foremost ‘What lights you up? Where are you operating at your highest and best?

What is your best work you put into the world? – those become the filters through which you evaluate opportunities. The reason that person is giving you angst is because you need to do that. When you’re clear, it’s much easier to hold the boundary and to say no.   I think the reason you’re feeling angst around that is because you did not give a clear no, and I think you’re leaving the door.

I’m just guessing. This is purely projection. My guess is that you’re leaving the door open a little bit because in your mind you need to be open to opportunity. You need to be open to financial prosperity. You don’t know what’ll come your way, and that can be l a vicious circle. Always being open to everything can actually take your energy away from what’s important.

So I urge you to be really clear on this. Let’s use Dear Constance as an example. Why do you like this project? What is it that you like? You don’t need to tell me this, I’m asking you this rhetorically. What is it that you like? What is it that’s bringing you alive? What is it that’s making you want to work on this and leave other things behind? What other clients are you getting gratification from? Is it people that you’re helping them move the needle and find their voice? Is it people that you’re helping them get more engagement? Is it clients that are listening to you and taking your directive?  What is it that turns you on and you want to get clear on that because that’s what you want to attract more of.

So I’m going to leave this as a short episode today and just say that clarity on what’s important to our work, our travel, and in our personal lives – it could even be about going out to dinner – is a game changer. When we’ve taken the time to think through what’s important to us in any given moment, how we want to feel, what our priorities are, it makes those choices and decisions just that much easier.

When we find ourselves spinning around and not knowing quite what to do, or having fear of missing out, or being afraid of saying no, the most important thing is simply to get quiet and clear on what we really want and what we want to attract and how we want to feel. Those become the filters to which we make our choices and decisions.  That’s the key. It really is that simple.

That’s all for now. Until next time, from my heart to yours.

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dear Listeners,

Friends say I live my life out loud. That’s because I’m a curious, adventurous person and, as an appreciator, I simply love to share what lights me up. Consider this is your invitation into my fun, multi-faceted world.

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“Speaking with Constance helped me to see myself  – and my experience –with fresh perspective.  I got great clarity and completely shifted gears. She totally got it. The experience fully re-energized me.”

Jim Conley – Senior Executive
ex- YouTube, Google, Twitter

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