Episode 9 Who Needs Me ?

January 20, 2023

So I’m a huge morning person,. I usually get out of bed right away, or I used to get out of bed right away and now what I say is, Hey, Google, what time is it? And I make a decision  if I’m going to get up or go back to sleep.   This morning I misunderstood. It was actually 4:30 not 6:30. Anyway, over the past year or two, I have trained myself to lie in bed when I wake up because it’s such a juicy time when you’re in the liminal space between two worlds. As David Whyte, the poet and philosopher talks about, you’re between the dream world and the waking world, and that is when a lot of interesting insights and things come into your mind. So, I’ve trained myself to stay still and stay in bed for a few minutes before I get up, and this morning something popped into my head. It was based on a recording I did.

I was thinking about the questions I asked when I was interviewing people as an executive recruiter, and one of those questions that was really helpful was, what are your filters? I was trying to bring the locus  of control back to the person being interviewed because the interviewing and job search in general is such a fraught time for most people. It makes them feel out of control, so it kind of brings the locus of control back to them. What do you want?  It helped them get clear on why they were changing jobs, what they were looking for, and therefore what filters they would be using to evaluate future opportunities.

So that got me thinking about another question I used to ask, It was one of those questions that I didn’t ask until the very end. I would walk through where do you come from, where did you grow up, what did your parents do, where were you in the sibling ranking, and I would ask a lot of questions about their entire career trajectory. That’s the way I ran my business because when I was on a client call, I wanted to speak very clearly and articulately about the candidate, not only their job history, but who they were as a person. So I did get into the minutiae of people’s lives and it was a little bit awkward at times, but that’s how I did it.

Anyway, back to the questioning and back to this theme of feeling out of control. In this case, we’re talking about the job search, but the point I was making in one of my last episodes was that oftentimes we feel out of control because we’re not clear about what we want. At least that’s how it is for me. The clearer I am about what I want, where I’m going, even at the grocery store, the more ease I feel in my life. When you’re in the job search situation,  oh my gosh, it just feels like you’re one in a sea of people. I had a lot of empathy for people that felt that way because it’s normal. There are a gazillion jobs, there are gazillion companies, there are gazillion people looking for new opportunities, and it can make people feel a little helpless.

So, one of the things I was doing was trying to bring it back to them  – what they wanted and what their filters were. After I got to know them and we were comfortable with each other, the last question I would ask was this. I’d say, okay, here’s what I’m going to leave you with. Ask yourself this question and don’t answer me right now. Just think about it. Let it come to you. Who needs you? That question really threw people off. I think it was because people came thinking that they were looking for a job. They needed a job, they were the one needing something. So when I flipped the question and asked  ‘who needs you’ I would say just think about this. People need talent. Companies need talent. They’re looking to further their business. They’re looking to build their team, and they’re looking for people with a certain skill set, a certain background. They want to acquire knowledge from other companies, and you bring a lot to the table. So, who needs you? Go out and look at the stores and look at the brands. And when you’re looking at people going ‘they could be doing this better’, ‘they could be doing that better’, or ‘I could help them so much’, THAT’S the way you want to be thinking. Who needs you is about who values the skills and experience you bring to the table. Those brands looking for talent are all up in their own head just like you are. They’re trying to further their business. They’re trying to get things done, and they want to acquire talent from companies that have what they want.

It’s interesting to be talking about these things, these filters through which you can evaluate your preferences and your life, and asking yourself the question who needs me?

These are great metaphors for life. I want to clarify something. When I said that I didn’t like executive search, it really was that. I simply grew out of it. I certainly don’t want to give the impression that I am ungrateful for the many years and the many people I met during that part of my professional life. It was extremely special and very informative. In fact, I took that filter question who needs me and I turned them on their head to help someone in the philanthropic arena. We secured just under a million dollars for an incredible nonprofit.  But that is fodder for another episode.

I’m going to leave it at this for now.   From my heart to yours,

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dear Listeners,

Friends say I live my life out loud. That’s because I’m a curious, adventurous person and, as an appreciator, I simply love to share what lights me up. Consider this is your invitation into my fun, multi-faceted world.

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“Speaking with Constance helped me to see myself  – and my experience –with fresh perspective.  I got great clarity and completely shifted gears. She totally got it. The experience fully re-energized me.”

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