Good morning from New York City. What’s on my mind this morning is forgiveness, and here’s why. I’ve been texting with one of my friends. She’s from Europe and she lives in the United States. She hasn’t seen her mother since pre COVID, and when you live far from your parents, as I did for so many years, the stakes are really high when you’re going home. You are so filled with love, but there can also be a lot of anticipatory anxiety. My friend hasn’t seen her mother in so long, and she was having a lot of thoughts about how her mother was going to be with her. I think her mother has a lot of paranoia around COVID and my friend was fearing that she was going to feel anger. Basically, she set the bar really high over this trip.

I shared with her by text, a couple of things that. I think are worth mentioning here. One was what I’ve said before. My friend Dana talks about coping ahead. I was suggesting to her that she think through some of the things that she knew in advance were going to trigger her and that she sort of have an action plan about how she was going to handle those moments. I also mentioned that I felt like she needed to recognize that in her mind the stakes were high over this visit, and that no one visit can be more powerful or more important than a lifetime of love and the challenges and good times that come with that, right?

I also shared with a little bit from the episode that I think was entitled ‘our loved ones have stories.’ That’s the one where I tell about the story of my friend Antonella who used storytelling as a way to soften some of the charge that she has with her father by bringing up old memories or asking him to tell a story. She was able to change the energy and the tone of the exchange between her and her father.

I ended my exchange with this friend by sending her a quote. You guys know I love my quotes. It was a photo I took on the streets of New York, which I often do, and the sign says this, Enjoy Your Forgiveness. I sent it because in this particular case, I know my friend has a lot of love for her mother and she really wants to experience that love and to be present for her mother, but there’s a lot of stuff in that relationship. Including anger.

I absolutely love how she responded to my message. She sent back to me her own quote. Again, snapped on the streets of who knows where, and here’s what it says ‘the most influential person in your life is the person you refuse to forgive.”  Let me say that again. ‘the most influential person in your life is the person you refuse to forgive. I thought that merited sharing because we also know that it’s very difficult to forgive. I feel like her quote reminds us that forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. It’s not something we do for the other. It’s for us. It’s for you. And therefore, it’s simply better to forgive.

Our beautiful message exchange reminded me of how important and powerful it is to have those friends with whom we can bear our heart. I remember my mother used to always say to me, Connie, you have so many friends. And I’d say, mom, you know why? Because friendship is a high value of mind. And one of my goals in life is to gift my friendship freely.

So, I’ll end by saying that I think it’s always good to err on the side of forgiveness and to gift your friendship freely. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing and it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

I’ll leave you with that, my friends. Until next time, from my heart to yours.