S2Episode09 Quality Over Speed Of Response

January 19, 2024

Good morning from Milano. What’s on my mind this morning is one of the great things that has come out of this experiment being out of my normal environment, being on the road and generally shaking things up these five months. I haven’t worried or busied myself trying to think about or capture what I’m going through. In fact, I’m doing it here with you. I think the first one I mentioned was muscle memory. If you missed it in it, I was talking about the fact that I have this sense that I’m working on muscle memory of adaptability and flexibility. Regardless of where I am and what my circumstances are, I’m okay. I can find my quiet and my groundedness, and this experience has helped me build muscle memory around this feeling in my body. I don’t know exactly what purpose it may or may not serve in the future, but I know it’s important and it’s something I want to remember.

The next piece that has been bubbling up for me of recent is related to connectedness and response rate. I’m one of those people who errs on the side of staying connected. I’ll send a message that says I’m thinking about you or I’ll share when someone pops into my thoughts. It’s a way of staying connected. I’ve always been that way, even when I was in my long-term relationship. Yes, the cadence of my connectedness changed, but at my core I was always the person trying to stay connected.

Anyway, one of the things that I’ve noticed and have actually enjoyed – well, let me back up because there are two things in this piece, and one of them is that I’m not responding to messages and emails as quickly as I normally would. It’s got me noodling what I think is actually a self-imposed onus to respond immediately to everyone. How in the world did we get this idea that speed equals caring or being conscientious. That’s a bunch of bullshit, and I think it’s up to each of us to look at that.

It’s interesting, in the past I have noticed when people don’t respond to me. I’ve also noticed when they respond much later, in a thoughtful manner. When I first noticed it, I was like hmm, that’s interesting. Then completely forgetting that they hadn’t responded, it was a form of surprise and delight when I got a thoughtful response.

I think that we can be on either side of the spectrum. We can be that person who might be offended or worried when someone doesn’t respond right away. In this case, I think it’s really important not to take things personally. On the other side, we can be on the receiving end of communication and think I’m not going to respond to that right now. I want to give that more thought. I’m going to value quality over speed.

The other side of this connectedness coin is related to telephone conversations.

Just yesterday I was talking to my best friend Marion. We had a great conversation and towards the end of the conversation she said to me I wanted to ask you have you had your feelings hurt? Or have you been offended that we have not been talking as much to which I replied Thank you for asking me but Not. At. All. Not at all ! So yes, I really appreciated that she acknowledged that we had had far fewer telephone calls than usual just in case my feelings were hurt because in fact, like me, staying connected is an important piece of her love language.

Anyway, I’m sharing this because I want to say that the speed of our response rate and our level of connectedness is often self-imposed and it’s up to us to change the cadence therein. Speaking for myself, I’m certainly finding that quality over speed is something that I’m valuing a lot more. And connecting when someone pops into my head or when I’m missing them or when I truly feel like it is so much more fun and real than using the cadence of connection to communicate that I care.

So that’s what’s on my mind today. Until next time, from my heart to yours.

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dear Listeners,

Friends say I live my life out loud. That’s because I’m a curious, adventurous person and, as an appreciator, I simply love to share what lights me up. Consider this is your invitation into my fun, multi-faceted world.

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