S2Episode18 Virtuous Circles + Public Accountability

February 9, 2024

Good morning from Milano. I got Jesse Itzler on my mind today. Jesse is a co-founder of Marquee Jets, Zico Coconut Water, and he’s one of the owners of NBA’s Atlanta Hawks. In my mind, one of his biggest claims to fame is that he is the husband of Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx. She has an incredible story herself.

He’s on my mind this morning because one day when I was looking for inspiration I stumbled upon a video that he had made on Instagram. When I listened to it, I had these reverberations through my body.  It was like wow, that is so cool. That became my inspiration to create Rocket Fuel.

I called it Rocket Fuel because that’s what it felt like when I heard the message. By the way, if you’d like to listen to that one minute bit by Jesse Itzler the link is on Dear Constance. Com.At the bottom of the homepage, there’s a section called ‘On My Radar’. It’s also on the About page. That’s where I share snippets of things that grab my attention or that I’m reading or watching or whatever. So go check it out.

Anyway as I mentioned on Wednesday, I do want to talk about this Rocket Fuel call I organized. I want to share it because the more I think about it, the more I love it. It is the three-step process, but the bottom line is that it’s about the Misogi, which comes from a Japanese tradition. It’s about having a goal for yourself so big that it defines your entire year.

Now, I’d like to stop on the word big for a minute, because what’s big for me may not be big for you. A lot of the stuff that Jesse Itzler does is around physical endurance and physical activity because that’s his jam, right? For me, when I think of the Misogi, I like to think of it as something significant and important to you. That one thing that spreads into other areas of your life. that will have the most ripple effect.   Let me give you an idea. It could be starting something –  starting a hobby, starting the divorce process, starting a meditation practice. I like to think about it as the thing that starts a virtuous circle of some sort.

There are two other pieces of the process. One is the habit formation, which is adding a new habit every quarter. When I was doing my research for the call, I heard Jesse talking about this practice of adding one new habit every quarter as more attainable than those lofty goals we create at the beginning of the year and then feel badly about because we’ve fallen off the wagon. I like it as well because it feels more deliberate and intentional. It seems more doable to me adding one thing every quarter. The focus for me is about doing something that’s attainable. So the habit that I’ve added starting today is a second meditation in the afternoon, three times a week. Other ideas could be meal prep on Sunday nights. or adding a date night once a month, whatever it is. It’s about the act of adding a habit once a quarter that is attainable and doable and something that feels important to you.

The last piece is about doing something you normally wouldn’t do every other month. I noticed on our call we got a little bit stuck on this word adventure. and I think that was my fault. It doesn’t have to be big. The point is making an effort to do something new every other month. In my mind, this is about cultivating openness being willing to try new things and perhaps being willing to be a beginner at something.

The net-net here about this three step process that I’m calling Rocket Fuel is about training yourself to keep coming back to this idea of designing your life. It’s about agency. It’s about taking the driver’s seat. And it’s about having more fun. One of the things that came up on the call, which I’ll get to, is that when we were thinking about these things, a lot of people defaulted to work-related goals. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all, but one of the things that came out of sharing things on our call is that people were reminded of the fact that they do want to add more fun to their lives.

So if you’re curious about Rocket Fuel and participating in some fashion, even if it’s not publicly, this is what I suggest you do. Set the timer for 5 minutes. Put your pen to paper and start brainstorming. It doesn’t have to be in the 3 categories, just start writing ideas that come to you of things that you might do, things that are maybe in the back of your mind somewhere that you’d like to look at more carefully. Just start writing. Here’s the catch: when you run out of ideas, don’t stop writing. Write for five minutes straight. Doodle, draw, whatever you want, but keep the pen moving for five straight minutes. That’s how you get started.

I want to read to you a few of the Misogys from the list that Jesse Itzler published that came out of his rocket fuel call.  Of course he doesn’t call it rocket fuel, but I don’t know what he calls this. These are some of the Misogys that people shared on his call. Get into nursing school. Take a backpacking trip with my sisters. Perform at an open mic. Open a second store. Launch my first product. Host a yoga retreat. Renovate my home. Raise 50, 000 for dyslexia. Beat cancer.

I hope that helps in some way. I think the point here is that what feels big and important for one person may seem like something very small for someone else. It doesn’t matter. This is not a comparison game. This is about taking the time to think about what you might do to make 2024 something you’ll remember. And as I said before it can simply be that thing that you think will create the most ripple effect in your life.

I will tell you that since I launched my website and invited people to join in, I had, I think, 35 signups of which 25 wanted to be part of the Rocket Fuel group. And I think in the end we were about 12 or 13 on the call. I’m sharing to illustrate the point that to some people that may seem like nothing and to some people that may seem like a lot. It doesn’t really matter because for me, getting to the start line and actually doing the thing was what will have the most ripple effect in my life this year. And as I told in the story about Pickleball on Wednesday, once I did it and I got past that exasperation of the first time, there will be no more first times. I feel freed up by that on some level.

Anyway, I’d like to end with sharing a couple of things that came out in our group call one of the themes that came up was several people said they wanted to rekindle and nurture friendships. I thought that was really a good one. Another theme that came up was around a willingness to start something imperfectly. One of the women on the call wants to collaborate and her declaration was about reaching out to collaborate with people internationally, even though she wasn’t quite sure what that would look like.

The last thing I want to mention that came up was this willingness to start something alone. I think sometimes our tendency when we have an idea that feels important or big is to ask someone to do it with us. And then we get into this thing of waiting for them to say yes or to be ready when in fact we’re ready to get going. One of the people on the call shared something really cool that she’s been wanting to do. She’s been waiting for her friend to say yes and on the call, listening to other people share, she suddenly realized and shared this: I’ve decided I’m ready. I’m going to do it on my own.

I think all three of these things –  nurturing and rekindling friendships, getting started on your own when you thought you were going to do it with someone else, and starting something even though you don’t feel perfectly ready  all three of these are great examples of things that will have a ripple effect in other areas of your life. What else might you do even though you don’t feel perfectly ready? And what might you discover about that friend you reach out to rekindle a friendship?

If you’re curious, albeit not interested in joining in a call with us, I’m here by nudging you to gift yourself those five minutes of free form writing. Get those ideas, even the crazy ones, Get those ideas down on the paper. and if it happens to inspire you, like it did me, maybe share it with a friend. Who knows, maybe you’ll inspire them,or maybe they’ll become your accountability buddy.

I do think there’s power in saying it – in declaring what your Misogi is –  especially if it feels important to you. It’s a way of holding yourself accountable. That was what this was about for me. The risk I knew so well was that I would get all up in my head about organizing a call. So, I created the Rocket Fuel page to hold myself accountable to this vision that I had, and to pay heed to that thing, that rocket fuel that went through my body when I heard Jesse Itzler speak. My desire was and still is to surround myself with like-minded people, motivated to take the driver’s seat and design their life in an intentional and consistent way.

The last two things I’ll say are this. First, we never know how our actions may influence or inspire people around us, and second, I’d like to remind you and remind myself that ideas beget ideas and courage begets courage.

I’ll leave you with these three words, dare to dream. That’s all for now. Until next time, from my heart to yours.

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dear Listeners,

Friends say I live my life out loud. That’s because I’m a curious, adventurous person and, as an appreciator, I simply love to share what lights me up. Consider this is your invitation into my fun, multi-faceted world.

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