S2Episode27 Deliberation Is Not Inaction

March 1, 2024

Good morning from Milano. I’m sitting here this morning thinking about how powerful it can be when we are able to reframe things for ourselves. I’m thinking about it because this morning I was talking to a girlfriend of mine, Gloria, and she said wow, you sound happy this morning.Somewhere in our conversation, I happened to mention that I shipped a box of things back to the United States yesterday and she said to me, Oh, you’ve lightened your load, that’s why.

This struck me because yesterday was a rainy gloomy day and I was feeling a little bit blue. In fact, my prevailing thought was this is the beginning of the end On the one hand, I did draw a little bit of a line in the sand for myself by sending the box off because that box included my summer things. I’ve had this thought in the back of my mind, Oh, I’m leaving right when spring arrives, maybe I’ll delay my departure. This has been coupled with the fantasy of going to Sicily or going to someplace warm dancing in the back of my head. And I purchased my ticket on points so that I can always change it. Sipping that box did in fact delineate the beginning of the end.  I am starting to wind things down and I do feel lighter this morning. I think that buoyancy is in part coming from physically from having less stuff. At the same time, it’s finally having made the decision that yes, it’s indeed time to go home.

I’m sitting here reflecting on something else that has come up of recent. It’s pretty obvious that I’m in this time when I am thinking a lot about how I’m going to design this next phase of my life. Am I going to be in New York? Am I going to be partly in New York, partly in Europe? Am I going to leave New York? These are things clearly that I am noodling. And just this past weekend, my friends said to me, Constance, don’t wait too long to decide. If I’m honest, it left me feeling a little bit uncomfortable. In our culture we privilege decision making – decisiveness – and we say things like if you don’t decide the decision will be made for you. I think we can often confuse Or we easily jump to the conclusion that not deciding is procrastination or indecisiveness.

One of the things that I’m thinking about this morning which is making me feel better is that I am in a period of deliberation. in my life. There is a time for deliberation and a time for action. There are times in our life when we do need to make the call – we simply need to act – or we’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of indecisiveness or procrastination. I feel like this is a moment when I want to give myself permission to deliberate. Deliberation is about contemplating things, reflecting, being thoughtful and careful.  It feels important to me that I don’t rush any decision. I feel like I have a lot of tools and experience around making big decisions in my life. Things like I’ve shared many times on the podcast before.

My father used to say to me from a very young age, what’s the worst thing that can happen? He used that question what’s the worst thing that can happen as a tool to help me make thoughtful and often courageous decisions. The other thing I talk about is what are the stakes you are attributing to a decision? When we set the stakes too high in something, it can feel overwhelming or that is decision is one of life or death.  Anyway, I feel like I’m losing the through line of what I’m trying to say here and it’s simply this, There is an important distinction to be made between these words. Decision, procrastination, and deliberation. Deliberation is not inaction. Deliberation does not mean an inability to act. It’s a different type of action. And there’s a time to be more reflective and thoughtful and inward facing, especially when we’re on the precipice of doing something or taking a decision that has far reaching effects in our lives. That’s all.

I’ll end simply by saying that sending that box off and purchasing that return ticket is the perfect next action step in what is for me, a beautiful and fruitful period of discovery and deliberation. It’s a period that I think of as moving towards what’s next, knowing and trusting that what’s right for me will reveal itself. I think I’ll know. And what I know now is that the timeline is mine and mine alone to decide.

That’s all for today. Until next time, from my heart to yours.

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dear Listeners,

Friends say I live my life out loud. That’s because I’m a curious, adventurous person and, as an appreciator, I simply love to share what lights me up. Consider this is your invitation into my fun, multi-faceted world.

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